On High

Precisely. I got high today. Doing Accounting.

I can hear you saying WTF.

During KH today, we learnt Simpan Kira, a.k.a. accounting, which was, indeed, great fun. Just ask Lim. I spent half the time giggling with delight. Perhaps this is, indeed, one of those strange defining moments in time, or maybe I'm just insane. All I know is that I fell in love with accounts this afternoon.

However, time flies when you scribble accounts, and so we packed up before we could finish. The moment the teacher let us out, I traipsed to the canteen to finish it up. It was that addictive. Tan Poh Kuan said he could see that it made me very happy. I wonder if it will ever repeat this feat in the future.

In other news! I'm putting one of my more ditsy, Twilight-esque essays on my blog. I wrote it around last year. Go ahead and purge.

I sat at the bench, staring at the size 12 font unseeingly. My manuscript was paper-clipped to page 37 of The Odyssey, where I decided to place it to save it from being crumpled in the savage machine that was my bag. The Odyssey was one of the many books that I could never stomach, and sacrificed it I did. It survived the day, however. Biting my lip, I decided to actually make an effort to read. My head was jam-packed with oddly excited voices, so I had to murmur under my breath.

I sat on the stone bench, staring at the size 12 font unseeingly. My manuscript was paper-clipped to page 37 of The Odyssey, where I decided to place it to save it from being crumpled in the savage animal that was my bag. The Odyssey was one of the many books that I could never stomach, and I had no qualms about sacrificing it. It survived the day, however. Biting my lip, I decided to actually make an effort to read my story. My head was jam-packed with oddly excited voices, blurring out the noises of the outside world and the voice inside my mind that usually read in silence, so I had to murmur under my breath. The words I muttered were unheard by any other person at the crowded bus-stop.


“’He tweaked his bowtie, carefully checking his tuxedo in the long mirror. Even as he – ’ fine, I give up!” Frustration filled me like it always did at my poor persistance. Not a word had registered in my brain. I could never pull this off. Just stare at the words, I thought to myself. Stare at the words. I would never have thought of doing this, but my unwittingly stupid mind devised this plan, and dragged me along for the ride. So here I was. Waiting, prop in hand. Just waiting.


“The Odyssey, huh?”


I looked up, and finally, there he was. Instantly, I felt like an idiot.


“I’m not actually reading it. Double-checking my story, to be honest.” Drat his piercing eyes. He knew perfectly well that I was hyperaware of him, jolting at every step closer he took, that I had been waiting for this, planning to the last second. He knew too well that I wasn’t reading at all, that the moving of my eyes was a complete façade. And he could hear my breath quickening, see my ears pricking to catch every word he said. My pupils must have dilated an inch to see all of him. I sounded ridiculous. I looked homely. My pose was awkward. Self-consciousness chained me down to the rack and twisted.


My friends were definitely blind. He was the most amazing person I had ever laid eyes on. I could testify to that. And now he looked at my book – avoiding my gawk, maybe? I looked down also. The manuscript was tugged gently out of the paper clip and my hands, but I couldn’t have refused him anyway. I closed the book, before turning to him to see his reaction. He read with amazing speed, I noticed; his eyes darted back and forth at the speed of sound. Okay, that was an exaggeration, but it wasn’t all that far off from the truth. Within those five minutes, he handed it back to me.


“That’s great, Lils. What’re you planning to do with it?”


I shrugged, trying to act nonchalant as my spirits soared and plunged with a swiftness to rival that of a jet plane. Of course he would say that, I laughed at myself. What else would he say? He had to be polite. “Nothing. It was just for fun.”


He looked genuinely disappointed. “That’s a waste of a good story. Oh well. Gotta go now. Bye!”


I waved, smiling at him, a featherbrained giggle threatening to escape the upturned corners of my lips. Turning around, I walked away, my ears ringing with his bass-toned voice, my eyes tinted by the bliss of his smile. Today seemed like a perfect day, and I looked forward to tomorrow. Maybe I would save this story, I mused. Put it somewhere secure, make sure the silverfish don't get to it. I whistled as I skipped back home.


I didn't know the surprise that awaited me tomorrow. The bittersweet surprise.

Summer solstice has past, and the rain gods have decided, once again, that we are worthy enough to be watered; they are done with their tempting and taunting, done with greying the sky and shocking the Earth, only to leave without giving a drop of what they hold.

A.K.A, it's been raining at last.

I've kept to my promises, and the results have shown earlier than I expected. I hadn't even made them at the time.
Ever since I began with my resolutions, I've found that my memory, when it come to classes, is improving. Whoopee.

Anywhoodledoodle...

Today was productive, but in a rather boring way. I managed to get rid of my boredom, though, by writing a li'l.
Total randomness - it was pretty much make-it-up-as-I-go-along.

A writer, a travelling journalist
Penning his story in hues of acryllic.
Quilting the pieces of his hardship
With a thread of song.
Or a designer, perhaps an architect
Drawing the plans and schemes with a twitch of the reins.
Bending the laws of gravity,
To suit his taste.
But, for now, a child
An adult. Something in between.
A faithful friend, an eager pupil
Full of hopes and dreams.
That is who I am.
Who I am to be remains to be seen.

And!!

I think I'll write a poem on Michael Jackson. He's got a very poetic story. Mourning for him now.

The Gouge-Out

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."

Is it normal to feel like you want everyone to know what you are intent on keeping secret?
For example, say you bought a new dress or shirt for your friend. You want to keep it a surprise but find, at the same time, that you simply can't resist dropping numerous, less-than-subtle hints so he or she finds out in the end. And it seems hard to stop short of telling him or her outright. Or, another more common example is that you heard a secret from someone and can't wait to tell your besties.
Perhaps, you might have a crush on someone but feel too shy to tell your friends in case they disapprove, yet you say lots of things to make them guess it.

Whatever it is, I'm trying to find out if this sort of feeling has been identified and named. If possible, I'd like to know what region of the brain it is associated with. Actually, does anyone else ever feel it? Am I just weird?

I think this is a kind of thing is intended to let others on without outright telling, to see their reactions and figure out if you should tell them. I'll call it the gouge-out.

*

Not that any of those examples include me - trust me, secrets you confide in me are stored in very secluded parts of my mind that I rarely think of telling anyone else. It's my own secrets I feel like telling, but don't because pretty much no-one cares. I don't think I'm famous for ratting out people. Or am I? Maybe I just don't know it. But I'm rambling.

Anyway, I need someone to help me keep to my resolutions. Make me feel guilty. And I can return the favour when the occasion arises. I'll get a temporary person while I search.

Folios! Projects! Paperwork!

"Those that don't know me very well imagine that I wear jeans all the time. Those who do know it."

Recently, for no reason in particular, I have been revisiting my blog. Even when I have nothing to post, I always type the f- URL and arrive here with nothing on my mind. As if I'm waiting for someone to update it, even though only I can. Like I'm watching for news of infiltration or something. Has anyone previously experienced this?

*
Anyway, back to the topic. I have discovered quite a few forgotten folios this holiday. Which are due very soon. Yikes.

This kinda proves that I never really attend to Civic class. I knew about all the other folios but this one. And it stinks. "Jiran Saya" (My Neighbour). What the bloody hell am I supposed to write?!? My close neighbours have all moved out and my new ones are pretty boring. And are going to move out soon, too. I think I have to photoshop my pics!
My neighbour is an Indian man by the name of Mr. X. He has a wife, four children and one grandchild (boy or girl? I think boy). Two of his children are working and married, one is still in university and one in school (Form 5, apparently). I got a picture of his daughter's "wedding" from one of those bridal make-up sites. Mr X is the Maintainence Manager of the Tuanku Ja'afar Power Station. Contribute ideas if possible! I made one of his daughters a recuperating anorexic. Actually, I've done my Penghargaan, Objektif, Pendahuluan, Rumusan, Hubungan antara Kami and Rujukan. Now I just have to get my biodatas in. And the pics. (A/N: Maybe I'll call a friend's family to pose?)

My Science is considered done to me, though all I did was get all the pics. I haven't organised them properly or stuck them in yet. Gotta get that done by tomorrow. I'm not doing Geo 'cause the teacher might tell us something different after the break. He's going to re-brief us on it.

My KH thing had to be re-done a couple of times, I didn't know the exact format. Not even now. The teacher told us biodata, then something about pasting our research next to it (citation needed, to quote wikipedia).

*
Note to some misguided people: I do not have a boyfriend. Male friends, no boyfriends.

*
Air Pressure confuses me slightly. I'm not very sure about it, but I probably understand it - I got all the answers right. I need to re-read it. I want to get on to dynamics, but all the project work is squeezing my poor study time away. I wanna learn loci! I wanna learn Bab 10 of Geo! I wanna finish chapter 6 of history! All my possessions for a moment of time - a la the Queen.

*
Back to jogging for me! Thursday is jogging day again. No heart palpitations this time.

The holidays are so close to finishing. Which is rather sad. I'll go practice for drama.

Strange Day

Carry You Home - James Blunt
Trouble is her only friend and he's back again.
Makes her body older than it really is.
She says it's high time she went away,
No one's got much to say in this town.
Trouble is the only way is down.
Down, down.
*As strong as you were, tender you go.
I'm watching you breathing for the last time.
A song for your heart, but when it is quiet,
I know what it means and I'll carry you home.
I'll carry you home.*
If she had wings she would fly away,
And another day God will give her some.
Trouble is the only way is down.
Down, down.
* to *
And they were all born pretty in New York City tonight,
And someone's little girl was taken from the world tonight,
Under the Stars and Stripes.
* to * x 2


I hate travelling. Carsickness, awkwardness, having to dress up, being away from home, not being able to do so many things without getting a complete headache... I'd much rather stay at home.
Today was a pretty suckish day, nyway. I realised how easy it was to hate myself.
Don't you give me that lecture about how we must all love ourselves and treasure our lives, yadayadaya. I do. It's just... sometimes I get on my own nerves, if you get my drift. I'm confusing myself. Anyway, a list of reasons to hate myself:

1. I'm selfish.
2. I'm rude.
3. I'm rebellious.
4. I'm a cry-baby.
5. I'm stupid - very much so when the occasion calls for it.
6. I'm stuck-up.
7. I'm dependant.
8. I'm irresponsible.
9. I'm desistant.
10. I'm a braggart.
11. I'm self-pitying.
12. I'm forgetful.
13. I'm self-distancing.

Okay, I'll stop there - it hurts me to talk about myself like that, even though it's true and gives me great satisfaction. I need to say 13 positive things about myself now, but I just can't think of any. Ah well, here's a short poem I composed earlier.

Smile
When the world cries, smile
For every broken heart, just smile
To brighten someone's day

'Cause while you're crying
Nursing your pains
Someone might be loving you
So even if you'd be lying
To say you're still sane
Smile, it's not that hard to do.

Concealing how you feel
Is not that big a deal
It's in fashion at the moment not to cry.
Each and every minute
Someone always does it
Let's pretend to smile our lives by.

And I know I'll regret posting this.

June!

Miss ya, Junebug, by the way.

So the mid years are done with, and people are relaxing..
While I'm making plans!
Of course, my world domination ideas are very private, and I will not open them for public perusal, or else I might get caught like Dr Horrible from Dr Horrible's Sing-along blog.

Just kidding.

Rather, I'm planning on how to be a stellar student, which is actually kinda fun - probably better than ruling the world. Imagine how I'd have to solve all those poverty and overpopulation problems! And then the environmental issues, the economic downturns, the unemployment rates, the epidemics, the crime rates, the desperate ploys for my crown... But I digress.

BACK TO THE TOPIC:
I've made a list of fixed daily activities - things I must routinely do. 'Lo behold!
1. Study (of course) a list of fixed subjects on school days, 30 minutes each.
2. Do notes.
3. Finish homework at school (except last period homework and folios).

And then some social stuff:
1. Watch my temper - a.k.a., don't yell too much. Be firm but don't let anyone ruin my day.
2. Compliment someone.
3. Go out of my way to do a chore or help someone.

And to top it all off, some quotes for good luck:
- Do or do not. There is no try. - Star Wars
- A goal not written is only a wish. - Proverb
- Character is the discipline to follow through with resolutions long after the spirit in which they were made has passed. - Proverb
- The tree that never had to fight
For sun and sky and air and light
But stood out in the open plain
And always got its share of rain
Never became a forest king
But lived and died a scrubby thing...
Good timber does not grow with ease
The stronger wind, the stronger trees.
- Douglas Malloch
- The risk of riskless living is the greatest risk of all - Sean Covey
- We have met the enemy, and he is us.
- People are just about as happy as they make up their minds to be. - Abraham Lincoln

Gonna write a story. See ya.

I knew it.

*bows at the feet of the blog* I solemnly and sincerely apologise to the Blue Apple blog and vow not to leave again without prior notice.

Sorry x99999999! Seriously, now. I completely forgot about my blog till that day my friend mentioned it to me.

Now, to the true ranting blogging!

This year, I'm taking part in drama and choir.
Fish.
I knew it was going to happen.

Guess what? Pn. S said, since the practices will clash (inevitably), I have to choose between the two. Now, let's see the merits and "non-merits" of each, shall we?

DRAMA
Background
- I tried to enter last year, but chess was held at the same time.
- They got number two last year.
This year
- They put me in, but my role isn't very important. I've got about 15 lines.
Views on it
- I'm not fond of the teachers.
- We're little more than 3 weeks away from the competition, but we haven't confirmed the roles yet. Which is utterly ridiculous. We confirmed it yesterday with Pn. R, but then Pn. S came today and confirmed a different cast. Confusion.
- I already memorised the script, which they have changed twice.
- The teacher cancelled some lines. The other teacher cancelled some other lines. The play is short. Wham.
- Since we're all friends, we can practice at each other's house.

CHOIR
Background
- I also tried to enter last year, but the only Form 1s chosen were Adrian and Lisha. Apparently, the teacher thought they had more commitment. They tried to quit, but failed.
- They got number two last year.
This year
- I got in. I was the only soprano who came for every practice last year.
Views on it
-Previously, I was the only one who knew the whole thing, but now we've finished learning the song.
- It's only our dynamics that have any trouble.
- We're a good team.
- We practice during school hours.
- I helped one of the new sopranos train, and now she knows the song already.
- We've only just finished the song. We haven't learnt the intro and finale.

It looks like choir might win, but drama = fun + already trained for. Plus, in choir, the voices meld, but in drama, one person can screw everything.

I've decided to ask Ms C if I can be a reserve for choir. Wish me luck.