Haunts, hatred, haze, and H1N1. (and holiday homework, of course.)

Spuuukeynesss. Ghost month again. Isn't it strange? Rather like a climax, in a way. These months, since the football competition, my classmates have been exchanging ghost stories at every event - birthdays, camps, and whenever the teacher is out. I don't know what's their obsession with the supernatural, but I do believe it's infecting me. And I know it can't be healthy.

To tell the truth, I was so spooked out on Wednesday night that I COULD NOT SLEEP. I was sleepy but didn't dare go to sleep, because then I would have to turn off the light. And in my state of mind I was sure something would grab my leg as I was getting back in bed. I watched my phone clock with an uneasy eye. Terrified that midnight would strike.

I fell asleep in the end, but woke up twice. My dad switched the light off for me, I think. When I woke up in the morning I didn't dare open my eyes for fear of what I'd see. I waited till my mum had to come into my room and turn on the light before I got out of bed. In the bathroom I leaned against the wall to avoid looking in the mirror, worried that someone would be behind me. I avoided the toilet unless it was urgent, and almost didn't brush my teeth.

Aren't I superstitious.

On another note, one of my good friends had a sudden fit of temper yesterday. I didn't realise how severe until today. It was very severe. But she obviously vented her spleen quite completely - she did not say anything particularly evil-tempered today. I hope she's herself again. A single moment of anger is better than a long drawn-out feud.

The haze is worsening, so much that we cannot detect it by scent anymore - it has been affecting our nostrils for too long. My eyes sting even now. I hate haze. a glance outside my house tells me how thick it is. H1N1 infiltrated the school, by the way. A fourth-former got it. Yikes.

Aaaaaaaaaagh. I have tonnes of folios to do, and not a single inclination to! Gobshite. I have to finish my civic folio by the end of the hols. Oh, sucks to the world of folio work! Not to mention homework. And the exams. Yippee yea yea.

I wish all the people in my class - especially the more rowdy ones - could read Lord of The Flies. It's not written very interestingly, but it's dark and ought to give them a prick at their conscience. If they bothered to understand it. Then maybe they'd be more respectful of rules.

Holidays. No fun involved. Just folios.

Food for thought -

Maybe it's just me, but it seems that things always seem better when you look back on them. The present lays the facts down bare, clean and honest, but the past exaggerates them. Another weird thing about life, along with where the socks go after laundry is done.

I also see that the less you care about society, the better it treats you. Either that, or you just don't realise when you're being outcast. When I was ten and thought friends were life, pretty much everyone hated me, including myself. Now I'm three years older and couldn't care less who does. It feels gooood.

However, I'm still trying to unravel certain mysteries. Like why most people instinctively fear facing the truth, or rational discussion. Really. Example: when you have a fight with your friend and he or she wants to talk about it, you dread the moment. Or when you know someone likes/hates you, and are scared that he or she wants to talk to you about the feelings between the both of you. It's strange.

Also, I am adopting a new doctrine: to step in someone else's shoes. When my teacher yells at the class, I won't blame her instantly. I'll try to understand why she's upset and attempt to remedy it. If possible. And I'll take a new motto I got from Anne of Windy Willows: "If you carry a smiling visage, to the glass you meet a smile." Although it won't be easy smiling at people with a mask over my mouth and nose. Figures.

I think I should be more assertive. Maybe I'm acting rather doormat-ish in my efforts to be a forgiving, diplomatic person. Perhaps I'm too forgiving. But blah. I so need my sleep now.

Unpleasant things.

Okay, so most of my posts were about not-so-nice stuff. Like moving. Eugh. I guess I do need to lighten up my blog. But let me have a final rant before I do!

I find that many of my friends, mostly the girls, have things against each other. It's so scary and complicated. Like, one moment they're behaving like the best of friends and the next one of them is fuming once the other has left. I'm not very sure how, perhaps it's in-built instinct. It's kind of hard to do, but I think I've mastered the art of it, though the cover does slip once in a while. But now I'm moving, and it puts things in a whole different perspective. Why should I have enemies when they could be friends? Albeit not close ones, but good enough. I'm trying to strike up an acquaintance with my Malay classmates, namely Zaitul and Aliff, since I'm not particularly close to them. I guess the language barrier is a factor - I'm not used to speaking Malay outside the scouts. Figures.

Anyway, moving on!

I've decided that I should have a crush on someone this year. It's not very controllable, but I'm determined to have one on whoever catches my fancy. This year has been exceedingly dull and not as much a romantic whirlwind as it was last year. Probably thanks to the absence of the latest songs on the PA system, the new headmistress and my not-so-closeness with th fifth-formers. Plus, the freedom-fun has moved aside to make way for study-fun. But mostly because I don't have a crush on anyone!

Please ignore the above paragraph. I know I'm foolish, since I can't help who I crush on, or if I crush on anyone at all.

Continuing my glib babbling...

Instead of heading inland, I went for the Bike Fest at the Eagle Ranch today. It was so cool and we got lost in all the Tamans of 4th mile trying to find a shortcut thru traffic. B-E-A-Utiful bikes. Sorry I couldn't go to your house, Jia Yi - Happy Birthday!

I love the world. I think I've come up with a new idea - to think of what made me smile each day. As plagarised from Jen of YWS fame. Anywhoodledoodle, I'd better sign off now.

On moving.

I don't want to move.
At least, not till I'm out of school. I want to experience walking to STPD - staying there as long as I like, then going back when I want to - for all my schooling years. Maybe I never fully appreciated how good it is to live next to the school. Life is good here.

I don't want to leave my home. My house, white walls and black roof. My home. The ultimate cold, silent queen of houses, sophisticated and proud of all its ghosts and childish murals, courtesy of my siblings and I. A royal mansion of messy homey-ness, cool yet warm with sunlight and dreams. My room still bears the large Scout logo, quill and pawn I pencilled onto its white-washed exterior.

I love where I am. I know I'll have to move someday, but can't it be another day?

But I won't worry. Life goes on. I think I'm not changing schools. There's a positive spin to that.