Summer solstice has past, and the rain gods have decided, once again, that we are worthy enough to be watered; they are done with their tempting and taunting, done with greying the sky and shocking the Earth, only to leave without giving a drop of what they hold.

A.K.A, it's been raining at last.

I've kept to my promises, and the results have shown earlier than I expected. I hadn't even made them at the time.
Ever since I began with my resolutions, I've found that my memory, when it come to classes, is improving. Whoopee.

Anywhoodledoodle...

Today was productive, but in a rather boring way. I managed to get rid of my boredom, though, by writing a li'l.
Total randomness - it was pretty much make-it-up-as-I-go-along.

A writer, a travelling journalist
Penning his story in hues of acryllic.
Quilting the pieces of his hardship
With a thread of song.
Or a designer, perhaps an architect
Drawing the plans and schemes with a twitch of the reins.
Bending the laws of gravity,
To suit his taste.
But, for now, a child
An adult. Something in between.
A faithful friend, an eager pupil
Full of hopes and dreams.
That is who I am.
Who I am to be remains to be seen.

And!!

I think I'll write a poem on Michael Jackson. He's got a very poetic story. Mourning for him now.

The Gouge-Out

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."

Is it normal to feel like you want everyone to know what you are intent on keeping secret?
For example, say you bought a new dress or shirt for your friend. You want to keep it a surprise but find, at the same time, that you simply can't resist dropping numerous, less-than-subtle hints so he or she finds out in the end. And it seems hard to stop short of telling him or her outright. Or, another more common example is that you heard a secret from someone and can't wait to tell your besties.
Perhaps, you might have a crush on someone but feel too shy to tell your friends in case they disapprove, yet you say lots of things to make them guess it.

Whatever it is, I'm trying to find out if this sort of feeling has been identified and named. If possible, I'd like to know what region of the brain it is associated with. Actually, does anyone else ever feel it? Am I just weird?

I think this is a kind of thing is intended to let others on without outright telling, to see their reactions and figure out if you should tell them. I'll call it the gouge-out.

*

Not that any of those examples include me - trust me, secrets you confide in me are stored in very secluded parts of my mind that I rarely think of telling anyone else. It's my own secrets I feel like telling, but don't because pretty much no-one cares. I don't think I'm famous for ratting out people. Or am I? Maybe I just don't know it. But I'm rambling.

Anyway, I need someone to help me keep to my resolutions. Make me feel guilty. And I can return the favour when the occasion arises. I'll get a temporary person while I search.

Folios! Projects! Paperwork!

"Those that don't know me very well imagine that I wear jeans all the time. Those who do know it."

Recently, for no reason in particular, I have been revisiting my blog. Even when I have nothing to post, I always type the f- URL and arrive here with nothing on my mind. As if I'm waiting for someone to update it, even though only I can. Like I'm watching for news of infiltration or something. Has anyone previously experienced this?

*
Anyway, back to the topic. I have discovered quite a few forgotten folios this holiday. Which are due very soon. Yikes.

This kinda proves that I never really attend to Civic class. I knew about all the other folios but this one. And it stinks. "Jiran Saya" (My Neighbour). What the bloody hell am I supposed to write?!? My close neighbours have all moved out and my new ones are pretty boring. And are going to move out soon, too. I think I have to photoshop my pics!
My neighbour is an Indian man by the name of Mr. X. He has a wife, four children and one grandchild (boy or girl? I think boy). Two of his children are working and married, one is still in university and one in school (Form 5, apparently). I got a picture of his daughter's "wedding" from one of those bridal make-up sites. Mr X is the Maintainence Manager of the Tuanku Ja'afar Power Station. Contribute ideas if possible! I made one of his daughters a recuperating anorexic. Actually, I've done my Penghargaan, Objektif, Pendahuluan, Rumusan, Hubungan antara Kami and Rujukan. Now I just have to get my biodatas in. And the pics. (A/N: Maybe I'll call a friend's family to pose?)

My Science is considered done to me, though all I did was get all the pics. I haven't organised them properly or stuck them in yet. Gotta get that done by tomorrow. I'm not doing Geo 'cause the teacher might tell us something different after the break. He's going to re-brief us on it.

My KH thing had to be re-done a couple of times, I didn't know the exact format. Not even now. The teacher told us biodata, then something about pasting our research next to it (citation needed, to quote wikipedia).

*
Note to some misguided people: I do not have a boyfriend. Male friends, no boyfriends.

*
Air Pressure confuses me slightly. I'm not very sure about it, but I probably understand it - I got all the answers right. I need to re-read it. I want to get on to dynamics, but all the project work is squeezing my poor study time away. I wanna learn loci! I wanna learn Bab 10 of Geo! I wanna finish chapter 6 of history! All my possessions for a moment of time - a la the Queen.

*
Back to jogging for me! Thursday is jogging day again. No heart palpitations this time.

The holidays are so close to finishing. Which is rather sad. I'll go practice for drama.

Strange Day

Carry You Home - James Blunt
Trouble is her only friend and he's back again.
Makes her body older than it really is.
She says it's high time she went away,
No one's got much to say in this town.
Trouble is the only way is down.
Down, down.
*As strong as you were, tender you go.
I'm watching you breathing for the last time.
A song for your heart, but when it is quiet,
I know what it means and I'll carry you home.
I'll carry you home.*
If she had wings she would fly away,
And another day God will give her some.
Trouble is the only way is down.
Down, down.
* to *
And they were all born pretty in New York City tonight,
And someone's little girl was taken from the world tonight,
Under the Stars and Stripes.
* to * x 2


I hate travelling. Carsickness, awkwardness, having to dress up, being away from home, not being able to do so many things without getting a complete headache... I'd much rather stay at home.
Today was a pretty suckish day, nyway. I realised how easy it was to hate myself.
Don't you give me that lecture about how we must all love ourselves and treasure our lives, yadayadaya. I do. It's just... sometimes I get on my own nerves, if you get my drift. I'm confusing myself. Anyway, a list of reasons to hate myself:

1. I'm selfish.
2. I'm rude.
3. I'm rebellious.
4. I'm a cry-baby.
5. I'm stupid - very much so when the occasion calls for it.
6. I'm stuck-up.
7. I'm dependant.
8. I'm irresponsible.
9. I'm desistant.
10. I'm a braggart.
11. I'm self-pitying.
12. I'm forgetful.
13. I'm self-distancing.

Okay, I'll stop there - it hurts me to talk about myself like that, even though it's true and gives me great satisfaction. I need to say 13 positive things about myself now, but I just can't think of any. Ah well, here's a short poem I composed earlier.

Smile
When the world cries, smile
For every broken heart, just smile
To brighten someone's day

'Cause while you're crying
Nursing your pains
Someone might be loving you
So even if you'd be lying
To say you're still sane
Smile, it's not that hard to do.

Concealing how you feel
Is not that big a deal
It's in fashion at the moment not to cry.
Each and every minute
Someone always does it
Let's pretend to smile our lives by.

And I know I'll regret posting this.